Pointing Home
by lynne z
Summary: Follow up to If You Court this Disaster. Bobby and Eames try to come to terms with the events of the past year while they bury his mother.
1. Coming to Terms

**A/N: This picks up directly after my fic, If You Court this Disaster. I thought I would get this up sooner, but as I started writing it, it began to go differently than how I initially intended. Pesky muse…but oh well here's how it ended up. Let me know what you think.**

Part One: Coming to Terms

Eames looked at the clock again.

Eight.

Bobby had left that morning around eleven to go back up to Carmel Ridge and she still hadn't heard from him.

Both were exhausted that morning, still reeling from the weight of the night before and processing his mother's confession.

Madison leaned against Eames' side as they sat on the sofa, reading through one of her books. Eames stared off, absently stroking her daughter's arm.

Her head filled with all the things they had been through the past ten months; all the things they had said to each other, the fights, the retreating. She knew she had been as bad as Bobby, preferring to focus on his problems rather than dealing with everything she had been through.

"Momma, what's this word?"

"Uh…" Eames jerked her head down to the page. "Considerate."

"What's that mean?"

"Well…um…" she paused, thinking of the ways Bobby always explained things to her. "It means being kind or polite…" she looked at the unsatisfied look on her face and searched for an example. "Remember when you had the flu last year?"

"Yeah," she nodded.

"And how daddy made your favorite soup to help you feel better? That was being considerate."

"Oh," she nodded again and turned back to her book.

Finally she heard the buzz of her cell phone against the granite of the kitchen island and hurried to reach it.

"Bobby?"

"Hey…I'm sorry…" his voice was quiet and strained. "Uh…she…she's gone."

"When?"

"Um…a couple hours ago…I should have called…I just—"

"It's okay…where are you?"

"A hotel…she…uh…bought a plot at a cemetery here…so…"

"Give me the address."

"What?"

"The address…I'll drive up with Mad tonight," she said and then felt him beginning to protest. "Don't argue."

She heard him sigh and could practically see him pacing.

"O-okay."

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The hotel room was dimly lit by one small bedside lamp. Bobby sat glassy-eyed on a love seat and stared at nothing in particular. Brady's words "you have it in you" and Declan's "you could have gone either way" echoed in his ears.

It took a moment for the knocking at the door to register.

The sight of Eames and Madison standing hand in hand, with over night bags on either of Eames' shoulders made the faintest of smiles tug at his lips.

"Hi, Daddy," Madison said softly as she crawled into his arms.

She buried her face against his neck as he tightly hugged her against him. "Hey, baby."

"Sorry about grandma."

He burrowed his nose into he hair and weakly smiled. "Me too."

Eames tossed the overnight bags onto the bed and stepped toward Bobby, while he kissed Madison's head and let her slide down to her feet.

"Maddie, why don't you get your stuff and go change in the bathroom," Eames said, running a hand over her daughter's hair.

"Okay," Madison nodded.

They watched her grab her purple bag and listened for the click of the door.

Eames wrapped her arms around his middle and he hugged her shoulders.

"How are you doing?" Eames asked, resting her chin on his chest.

"Um…I'm…I'm kind of numb."

Eames softly nodded. "I…uh…called Ross…he said take as much time as we need and…um…Logan and Carolyn have a case, but at least one of them will try and come. Mom and dad offered to take Madison, but I figured she'd calm you…Carrie wants to come with Nathan, and she'll probably bring Cass too, since Lucas isn't sure if he'll be able to get out of his shift, but—"

She was silenced by his lips pressing against hers.

"Thank you," he said and then kissed her forehead. "I…I'm really glad you're here."

"Where else would I be?" Eames asked as she glided her fingers up and down his sides. "Is Frank still around?"

Bobby nodded reluctantly. "He's next door."

"He could afford a room," the words sprang from her mouth before she had the chance to push them back.

He gave her a weary look and she knew he was paying for Frank's room.

"I know you don't—"

"It's okay…he's your brother. He should be here," Eames said smoothing her palms against his chest.

"Momma," Madison called as she came out of the bathroom.

Eames stretched upward and kissed Bobby, before turning toward Madison.

"Yeah, baby?" Eames asked.

"I'm sleepy," Madison said.

"I know," Eames nodded and took the girl's hand. "Come on."

Bobby watched Madison climb into the center of the king sized bed, and then Eames pull the plush floral comforter around her.

Eames kissed her daughter's head before turning back to Bobby.

"I brought you clothes," she said picking up the bags.

Bobby followed Eames aimlessly into the bathroom and shut the white door behind them. She pulled out his sweats and T-shirt, along with a pair of pajama bottoms for herself.

"What did you tell Madison?" he asked softly as he unbuttoned his shirt.

Eames sighed as she peeled off her sweater revealing a dark blue camisole.

"The truth…that grandma was very sick, that the doctor's couldn't help her anymore, and now…now she isn't sick anymore."

Bobby silently changed into his T-shirt and sweats while watching Eames from the corner of his eyes as she replaced her jeans with her cotton pajama bottoms.

"What do we have to do tomorrow?" Eames asked, turning toward him.

He rubbed the back of his neck. "Um…I have to go talk to the funeral home…finalize the arrangements…I…I should probably call Lewis…"

"I called Lewis…and Deakins…if there's anyone else…"

"Uh…Jocelyn…she's a friend of mom's…from the old neighborhood…there's no other family…"

His voice trialed and his eyes twitched with tears.

"Bobby," Eames cupped his face in her hands.

He locked his arms around her waist and shifted his head onto her shoulder.

"I was with her," he spoke into the crook of her neck.

She massaged his neck with her fingers and kissed his head.

He let out a long, shuddering sigh and stood straight, forcing Eames arms down to his waist.

"It was so strange," he continued, as he played with the chain around Eames's neck. "She was so clear…more clear than I've seen her in years. I-it's like she knew."

Eames hugged him tightly, unsure of what to do, and felt him kiss her forehead.

"Let's try to get some sleep," she said.

Bobby nodded and let her lead him back to the bed.

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Eames's body was curled around Madison's smaller form with a protective arm wrapped around her and her head safely tucked under Eames's chin.

Sunlight was beginning to creep into the room when Eames opened her eyes. She wasn't surprised by the realization that Bobby wasn't across from her. She looked around and found him sitting on the love seat at the foot of the bed watching them.

"Hey," she said, her voice still hoarse from sleep.

"Hey."

"How long have you been watching us?"

"Uh…a couple hours…I guess."

Eames carefully slipped out of bed and sat next to Bobby with her knees tucked under her chin.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked, softly, unsure if she would actually get an answer.

He sighed and shrugged, with his eyes still locked on Madison's sleeping form.

"I don't know what I'm _not_ thinking about," he said, wryly. "I…I just keep thinking what else could there be that I don't know about. And then I feel guilty that that's what I'm thinking about and…and not her."

Eames fingered the short hairs framing his ear, wishing there was a way to come up with a simple solution and take away all of the pain and uncertainty she saw seated in his features.

"You have nothing to feel guilty about, Bobby," she said.

He numbly nodded and she was unsure if he was really hearing her or not.

"I don't think it's really set in…I…I don't know what I'm going to do on Sunday mornings anymore."

She shifted closer to him, while her fingers found the back of his neck and made small steady circles.

"You're going to spend time with your daughter…and your wife. You'll catch up on reading…and all those models my dad keeps getting you for Christmas," she said, pausing at the sound of a soft chuckle. "We'll figure it out. All of it…together."

"You…you say that, but...the idea of Madison having a part of that…"

"She doesn't. She's beautiful and smart and resilient," Eames said. "And all of that isn't just because of me. And that…thing…will have a needle in his arm by the end of the night."

"Whether he's dead or not…it doesn't change the possibility…"

"I told you it doesn't matter," Eames said. "You just need to focus on getting through these next few days."

Bobby nodded. "I just can't stop thinking a-about him. All the hints he gave me…he knew…he knew I might be—"

"Stop!" Eames said, earning the first full on glance she had gotten from him since she sat down. "You have got to stop torturing yourself with this. It won't solve anything…won't change anything."

He nodded again and then stilled to study her hazel eyes. He reached up to cradle her cheek in his palm and then leaned his forehead against hers.

"Tell me you love me," he said so softly that for a moment she wasn't sure if she had imagined it.

"You know I do."

"I…I need to hear it."

Eames wrapped her arms tightly around his middle, leaning her face into his neck and kissed the skin she found there.

"I love you. I love you so much…we both do."

Neither was sure how long they stayed like that, but they didn't pull away until Eames felt the cushion shift and Madison's thin arms wrap around her waist.

"Morning, Maddie," Eames said.

"Morning momma," she said through a yawn. "Hi, daddy."

"Hey, baby," Bobby said as he saw Madison's eyes peer over her mother's shoulder.

Eames gently tugged on Madison's arms and the girl shifted into Bobby's lap, settling her head on his chest. Eames laid her head back down on his shoulder and contently watched her daughter, while her hand stroked the little girl's back.

One of Bobby's hands weaved into a set of dark wavy locks, while the other threaded between dusty silky strands and he could feel little bits of tension leaving his body.

For the first time since his mother's diagnosis or maybe even since Eames's kidnapping, they felt like a real family; safe, warm and solid.

The moment was fleeting as a knock on the door pulled them out of their quiet little box and back to the reality that they had a funeral to plan.

"That's probably Frank," Bobby said.

Eames nodded and sighed.

"Come on, Mad," Eames said, pushing herself away from the warm cocoon of her husband. "Why don't we get a shower and get dressed."

Madison reluctantly climbed out of her father's lap and followed her mother toward the bathroom.

Bobby stood, watching them until they completely disappeared into the bathroom and then headed toward the door.


	2. Grief

Part Two: Grief

The walls in the funeral home were a light creamy green, which Eames thought was an odd color choice to greet the families who were burying loved ones. Madison sat in her lap with Bobby beside her and his brother on his opposite side.

The Jansen brothers who ran the funeral home sat across from them with a coffee table in-between, which housed several binders filled with various plans and options.

Frank grabbed one of the binders and began to leaf through the selections of caskets as he bobbed his knee up and down.

"We…uh…just need something simple," Bobby said.

"Of course," the younger and more prudent brother, Stephen, said in a soft sympathetic voice, as he flipped to a particular page. "This is one of our more popular packages."

Bobby peered down at the simple black casket and then glanced over toward Eames.

"Hey, Bobby," Frank said, nudging Bobby with his elbow. "How 'bout this one?"

Bobby sighed as he looked down at the picture of the ornate baby blue casket and then shook his head at the price.

"It…it's too much," Bobby said.

"Aw, come on. Ma loved blue," Frank said.

Bobby scrubbed his hand over his stubbly face and looked Frank point blank in the eye.

"It's too much," he said quietly, but his voice carrying a slight threat.

Frank shrugged and then sat back, but immediately sat forward again, rubbing his hands together.

"The black one is fine," Bobby said.

Another employee poked their head in and beckoned for Stephen.

"I'm sorry. I have to check on this. Brian will continue taking care of you," Stephen excused himself and gestured toward his brother before leaving.

Until then, Brian had mostly been watching Madison with a faint smile as her eyes roamed the room from her mother's lap. Her eyes would occasionally catch his and she would give him a sad smile before turning her attention to her weary father.

"Was there any certain passages or anything you wanted read at the service?" Brian asked.

Bobby combed his hand through his hair and then pulled a page from his pocket.

"H-here's a poem she liked…i-it was one of her favorites," Bobby said.

"We can have the priest incorporate it into the service," Brian said.

Bobby nodded. "That would be fine."

Eames could feel the tension seeping into his shoulders as he fought back his emotions and she placed her hand in his. He looked down at their joined hands, briefly startled since he was usually the one more comfortable with public displays of affection.

"Is there anything else you need or that we can do for you?" Brian asked.

"No, not that I can think of," Bobby said and then rose from his seat.

Eames followed, taking hold of one of Madison's hands and still keeping a firm hold on Bobby's.

"What about a limo?" Frank asked as he rose to his feet. "To pick us up at the hotel."

Brian nodded, slightly confused. "We do offer that…"

"It's not necessary," Bobby said. "Thank you."

Bobby nodded at Brian and then pushed Frank in the direction of the door with his finger tips.

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The late afternoon sun was seeping into Frances Goren's room as her sons, Eames, and Madison cleared out her room. Eames had already packed three boxes worth of books and was working on a fourth with Madison's help.

Bobby was packing up the framed pictures and photo albums when Frank stepped up beside him.

"So," Frank said as he nudged Bobby's elbow. "I've been thinking maybe we should get a lawyer."

Bobby shook his head and let out a soft snort in an attempt to laugh off Frank's suggestion.

"What? What for?" Bobby asked.

"Well, you know…to help sort out mom's estate," Frank said, keeping his voice low and bouncing on the balls of his feet.

"Estate? Frank, all she had was right here. There is no _estate_." Bobby said, irritation clinging to his voice.

"But I'm mean there has to be money…savings—"

"There isn't."

"I thought dad left her some money."

"Dad?" Bobby repeated with disdain. "Any money she had went to her hospital bills. There is no money!"

He didn't mean for his tone to escalate the way it had and from the corner of his eye he saw Madison huddle closer to Eames as they watched them. He had always been very careful of staying calm in front of Madison, not wanting her to see his capacity for anger.

"Is daddy okay?" Madison whispered against her mother's arm.

Bobby turned a sad eye toward his wife and daughter.

"Why don't you ask him?" Eames said softly as she ran a hand over Madison's hair.

"Daddy?" Madison said and let the rest of the question hang in the air.

Bobby sighed and rubbed a hand over his face before walking toward them.

"Let's go for a walk, baby," Bobby said, gesturing for Madison to come with him.

She stepped away from Eames and Bobby lifted her up into his arms.

Eames watched them disappear out the door and then turned her attention to Frank.

"Frank…I am sorry about your mom and I'm sure you're dealing with this the only way you know how," Eames said, but her voice held little sympathy. "But if you make this harder for him than it has to be…you'll have to deal with me and unlike Bobby, I feel no obligation toward you."

Frank stared at her, half baffled and half indignant.

"She was my mother too…" Frank said.

"Then where have you been the last fifteen years?" Eames demanded, feeling the need to ask the questions Bobby was too polite or too forgiving to ask.

"Look, none of this is your business anyway," Frank said.

"When it affects him it is," Eames said.

"I'm her son…I have just as much right—"

"No, see, you don't. He'll never say that, because despite everything he wants to help you…wants to be a part of your life, but he's the one who has taken care of her, sacrificed for her," she paused taking in a deep breath and trying to regain some civility in her tone. "Please, just let him handle this."

Frank watched her wearily, his anger softening.

"I don't mean to make it harder for him," Frank said and then shrugged. "I just want to help."

Eames nodded and turned her attention back to the box.

"So do I. Just trust me when I say the best way to help him is to let him deal with this. It's the only thing he knows to do right now."

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Bobby carried Madison to the park a few blocks away from the facility. He found an empty park bench under a tree and situated Madison on his lap so she was facing him.

He sighed and ran a hand through her hair as she looked at him tentatively.

"I'm sorry I yelled," Bobby said.

"Why are you mad at uncle Frank?" Madison asked, absently messing with one of the buttons on his shirt.

"I…I'm not really mad at him…just…frustrated."

"But why?"

He sighed and looked up at the patch of blue sky he saw between the branches as if they might give him a simple way to explain all the reasons he had.

"It's hard right now to be patient with him."

"Because you're sad?"

Bobby nodded. "I-I am."

"I'm sad too," she said. "But I also feel bad."

"Bad? What do you mean?"

She tucked her arms between her chest and his as she leaned her head down over his heart. He rubbed her back in slow circles as he waited for her answer.

"Well, now grandma doesn't need you…so you'll be home more…and that makes me happy…but I know I'm not supposed to feel that way."

"Oh, baby, you don't have to feel bad about that," he said, lightly hugging her. "I'm glad I'll be able to be home more too."

"Really?" Madison asked as she sat up to see his face.

He nodded. "It…it's okay to have mixed feelings about things…especially something as complicated as this…just because you're happy I'll be home more now doesn't mean you didn't love her or that you won't miss her."

She nodded as she considered his words.

"Do you have mixed feelings?"

Bobby sighed and then reluctantly, "Yeah."

"How?"

He sighed again, this time more noticeably as he shifted in his seat.

"Well…uh…grandma was a big part of my life for a long time…and it's hard to think that she won't be here anymore…but I also am…" his voice trailed, not sure of what he even wanted to say.

"Glad she isn't sick anymore?" Madison offered.

Bobby gave her a small smile and nodded, not wanting to try and explain the anger, fear, and relief he felt on top of his grief.

He kissed her forehead and pulled her into a hug.

"I love you, baby," he said, smoothing his palm along her hair.

"Love you too."

He held her for a few minutes and then said, "We should probably head back, okay?"

She sat back and nodded.

Bobby placed her on her feet and stood, offering his hand to her. She clasped her fist around three of his fingers as he guided her back to the facility.

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After loading the car with the six boxes that contained the remnants of his mother's life, he said he was going for a walk and that he'd meet them back at the hotel. Eames gave him a weary look, but just nodded and he hoped she understood.

He wandered aimlessly thinking about his childhood, trying to unlock the memories from when he was four years old, but he couldn't recall anything and when he did he wasn't sure if it was real or just a forty-five year old grasping for straws.

He hadn't realized how much time had passed and it was a little after nine before he found himself back at the hotel.

The room was quiet and dim. Eames lay on the bed with her head propped up on her elbow as she ran the fingers of her free hand through Madison's hair, who slept soundly next to her.

She looked up at him as he closed the door but didn't say anything. He could see the worry still seated in her eyes. He knew he had disappeared on her too often over the last several months and she was too used to this pattern of him opening up only to turn further away again.

"Hi," he whispered.

"Hi," she said and then turned her attention back to Madison.

He disappeared into the bathroom and reappeared several minutes later in his sweats and T-shirt.

Bobby crawled in beside her, but it took him a minute to get comfortable since it wasn't the side he was used to. He scooted as close as he could so that her back pressed against his chest, kissing the back of her head and resting his hand on her hip. He listened to her sigh and felt her relax.

"I…I am glad you're here…I need you here, but…sometimes I just need time to clear my head," he said.

She nodded and twisted her neck to see his eyes. "I get that…I do. I just wish you'd let me in on some of it once you get it sorted out up there."

"I'm trying," he said softly.

"I know," she said and then looked back down at Madison. "I don't guess either of us would win any medals in the _sharing your feelings _event."

His neck dropped and he lightly kissed the skin just beside the strap of her tank top, remembering how long it took her to open up about her kidnapping.

"No…we wouldn't."

He reached his arm more fully around her so that his fingers rested on Madison's ribs and he leaned his cheek against Eames' hair.

He closed his eyes, focusing on her warmth and the fruity scent of her hair. It always bewildered him how this small woman could make him feel safer than he had in his whole life.

He only wished he could have kept her safe. He wanted to make things right; better for all of them, but he knew they couldn't forget or run away from everything that had happened and everything he now knew.

"Are you going to be okay tomorrow?" Eames asked, laying her head down on the pillows.

He let out a deep breath. "You'd think I'd be ready…she's been slipping away my whole life, but for some reason I…I still feel…surprised…unprepared."

Eames snuggled closer to him, but continued to stroke Madison's hair and then said, "Some things you can never prepare for."

His mind wandered to all the times he had nearly lost Eames in the past ten months, either because of someone else or his own insecurities pushing her away.

"No…you can't." 


	3. You in Your Resting State

**A/N: Thanks for everyone who has been reviewing. I'm glad people are enjoying this series, because I really enjoy writing it. **

**I can't take credit for the title of this chapter. It's from a song called "The Weight of You in Your Resting State" by a band from Philly called Hoots & Hellmouth. If you like good old folk/mountain music Google them sometime, they're really awesome. **

**This chapter was probably the hardest to write and a bit longer than I planned, but hopefully it flows well. **

Part Three: You in Your Resting State

Bobby and Eames got Madison up early and began getting ready. After a couple of hours he was straightening his tie, while Eames was crouched in front of Madison, fighting to get her into a pair of white tights to go under her simple black baby-doll dress.

Eames wore a black pair of tailored slacks and a black short-sleeved, lacey button down.

"Do I have to wear these?" Madison asked, her voice tittering on a whine.

"Yes, baby," Eames said as she smoothed down Madison's dress. "You can change into your jeans before we leave for home, okay?"

Bobby turned to watch them as Madison placed her hand on her mother's shoulder, while Eames put one Mary Jane on one foot and then the other.

"I…uh…I'm going to make sure Frank is up," Bobby said.

Eames nodded as she rose back to her feet. "Okay. We're just about ready to go."

"I'll be right back," Bobby said.

Bobby headed out the door and walked with his hands in his pockets to the neighboring door. He stopped abruptly as he noticed Frank's door opened just enough to let a crack of light out into the hall.

He looked up at the ceiling, hesitant to open the door. He took a deep breath before he pushed it open and poked his head into the empty room.

The sheets were rumpled, but he couldn't tell when they had last been slept on. He bit on his bottom lip as he crossed the room to the simple white bathroom. He glanced over the tiled walls and then the floor until his eyes settled on a green tinted crack pipe.

"God damn him," Bobby muttered running a hand through his hair.

"Bobby?" he heard Eames call just before she appeared in the bathroom doorway.

"Don't let Madison in here," he said holding a hand up.

"She's still in the other room…where's Frank?"

Bobby snatched a wash cloth off of the towel rack and bent to pick up the pipe with it. He held it up for her to see and shrugged.

"He's gone," he said.

"Oh no," Eames muttered as she stepped closer. "I'm sorry."

"Not your fault," he said as he dropped the pipe into the wastebasket.

"I…um…I kind of said some things to him…yesterday…" Eames said, regretfully.

He shook his head. "It's okay…whether you had or…or not he still…" his voice trailed, not seeing much point in finishing the sentence. "Let's get going."

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The funeral home was still quiet when they arrived. Stephen and Brian stood, waiting for them in the foyer and kindly shook each of their hands, including Madison's.

"We have everything set up in the mausoleum for the service," Brian explained. "If you want to check to make sure everything is to your liking I can go ahead and take you in."

Bobby glanced at Eames.

"I…I'll be right back," Bobby said.

"Do you want us to go with you?" Eames asked.

"Not yet," he said.

He nodded to Stephen to lead the way and Eames watched them disappear behind the oak double doors.

Inside the mausoleum, Bobby swallowed down his emotions and listened to his shoes on the white marble. He glanced back as Stephen closed the doors behind them and found his eyes falling on the glass cabinets that housed numerous urns and mementos. He walked the aisle with Stephen toward the open casket, studying a bouquet of lilies that sat on top of the lower half and the stained glass window just behind it that over looked the cemetery.

"It all looks very nice," Bobby said.

"I'm glad."

Bobby looked down at his mother's face and swallowed the lump forming in his throat. He wasn't use to seeing her so still, unless she was either drugged or constrained.

"Could…uh…could I have a minute?" Bobby asked.

"Of course," Stephen nodded.

Bobby watched him head back toward the doors and then turned his eyes back toward his mother.

He thought back to when he was very little and she would wake him and Frank up in the middle of the night, dragging them to the back window of the apartment to show them the people hiding behind the garbage cans below. At five years old her delusions were like playing make-believe games, but when Bobby and Frank were imagining things, she was actually seeing them.

At seven, her delusions got worse and it was obvious she wasn't playing a game. He remembered being woken up and shoved in a closet to hide. One time he was locked in there for eight hours and when his mother found him she yelled at him for scaring her by hiding like that. At the time his dad would come and go at all hours and then, when he did finally show up, the fights would begin.

There were several times he woke up and wandered into the hall just in time to catch his parents swinging their arms and legs at each other; both throwing accusations along with their limbs.

"There's so many things I want to ask you," he said. "I understand why…you had…an affair, but I, I can't understand why it was him. I don't understand why you stayed with men who hurt you. You…you deserved better…we all did. I hope Eames is right…I hope you…can finally be happy."

He jerkily nodded his head in an attempt to shake off all the memories and gave her one last look before turning on his heal.

When he got back out to the foyer he saw Anna and John Eames talking to their daughter and granddaughter, while the Jansen brothers stood in a corner quietly talking.

Eames immediately looked toward him, while holding Madison close, the girl's head resting on her mother's hip, and tried to gage how he really was, so she could keep her parents from overwhelming him.

"Bobby," John approached him with an extended hand.

"Thanks for coming, John," Bobby said and gladly took his father-in-law's hand.

John patted a hand on Bobby's shoulder. "Don't hesitate to ask if there's anything we can do to help out."

Bobby nodded thankfully and then turned to Anna as she came toward him. She reached her hand up, cupping his neck, and pulled his head down to her shoulder. Anna was about the same height as Eames, though she seemed a little shorter since she walked with a cane on her left side.

"He means it…don't be shy…and remember you don't have to have Alex to get clearance through our front door if you need an older, wiser point of view," Anna said, giving his neck a slight squeeze and then releasing him.

He couldn't help but smile as he looked down at her and softly nodded.

"If you want to go ahead into the mausoleum, we can direct the guests as they come in," Stephen said, gesturing back toward the oak doors. "The service will start in about another thirty minutes."

Bobby nodded and then looked toward Eames and Madison.

Anna hooked her good arm around John's and gently tugged him toward the door, leaving the small family to themselves.

Bobby ran his hand over Madison's hair and she looked up him.

"You okay, daddy?" she asked.

"Yeah, baby, I'm okay," he nodded.

Eames was thankful that Madison asked the question, so she didn't have to, since Eames knew it would be less smothering coming from her.

"Is grandma in there?" Madison asked.

Bobby knelt down in front of her and nodded.

"Yeah, she is. She's in the very back end of the room," Bobby said.

"Will we be able to see her?" Madison asked.

"If you don't want to I can ask them to make it so we can't see her."

He watched her chew on her lip and shifted her weight to her other foot.

"But I want to see her," Madison finally said.

Bobby glanced up at Eames, looking for guidance, as he wasn't sure if it was a good idea. Eames silently nodded and then Bobby looked back at Madison.

"You're sure?" Bobby asked and then watched Madison nod. "Okay, baby, let's go in."

They found John and Anna seated in one of the pews quietly talking.

Madison leaned against Bobby's leg and craned her neck as she stared down the isle to see the casket.

"Is that where she is?" Madison asked as she pointed down the isle and looked up at him.

He nodded. "Yes."

"Will you take me to see her?" she asked.

Bobby lifted her up and tucked her hair behind her ear. He turned to look at Eames, who protectively watched them both.

"Go on," she said. "I'll wait here. People should be arriving soon."

Bobby turned, but then thought better of it and swiveled back to kissed Eames' forehead, lightly cupping her neck in his palm.

"I love you," he whispered.

Her hand lingered in his as he turned to carry Madison, who leaned her head against his shoulder as they got closer to the casket.

Once they reached it, Madison quietly studied her grandmother's face from her perch and Bobby craned his neck in an attempt to study her reactions.

From behind, Bobby could hear people gather near the doors and voices began to mingle.

Suddenly, Madison leaned forward and grazed her fingertips against her grandmother's forehead.

"She looks like she's sleeping," Madison said.

Bobby pulled her back upright and studied her face, which stayed deep in thought as she stared at his mother's body.

"But she won't wake up?" she asked, turning her eyes back to Bobby's.

"No, baby she won't," Bobby said

Her eyes drifted down to the blackness of his jacket and a small frown crossed her lips. He kissed her forehead and pulled her head back down to his shoulder.

When he turned around, he saw Eames' hugging her nephew and talking to her sister, Carrie. Lucas, her brother, and his seventeen year old daughter, Cass had also arrived. In the background he also saw Deakins with his wife, both of who gave him warm smiles, but knew better than to flock around him.

Once he reached Eames, he could feel Carrie watching him wearily, but Lucas approached him and patted his free shoulder.

"I thought you had to work," Bobby said.

Lucas shrugged. "I had a few favors owed to me so…"

"You didn't have to do that."

"You're family," he said simply and went to sit with his parents.

Cass gave Bobby and Madison a squeeze and then followed her father.

Eames looped her arm around Bobby's waist and leaned into his side as he continued to support Madison on his other arm.

Carrie stood with her hands on Nathan's shoulders and said, "I can open the house if you want somewhere for guests to go after the service…I know it's a bit of a drive, but it might give me some time to cook a few things…or…"

Eames held up her hand. "I think we just want to go home."

Carrie nodded and then followed Nathan as he wandered to look at the urns near the doors.

Several of Bobby's numerous "buddies" filtered in, including Lewis, shaking hands with the family and then talking amongst themselves.

Eames stayed close to him, and Madison kept her head on his shoulder, occasionally saying hi to the people who passed. Normally he would have put her down by now, but he got the feeling she needed the reassurance of being close to him and he honestly enjoyed the comfort himself.

"Detectives," Ross greeted them as he approached.

It had become instinctual for them to appear to be nothing more than partners in front of their new captain, so Eames automatically put a couple feet of distance between her and Bobby.

"Captain," Bobby nodded and noticed a manila envelope tucked under his arm.

"At ease detectives," Ross said. "I think I can pretend not to see anything…under the circumstances."

Logan appeared behind the captain, with his hands on his hips and an uncomfortable, but sympathetic gaze playing on his face.

Ross glanced over Madison, whom he had never met and had heard very little about.

"Hi," Madison said in voice that was much shyer than she actually was.

"Mad, this is Captain Ross," Bobby said.

"Hello, Madison," Ross nodded toward the girl and then pulled the envelope out form under his arm, turning his attention back to her parents. "This arrived for you yesterday…it's from Brady. It's his full confession."

Bobby hid it well, but Eames could see him tense at the name and she had to fight the urge to slap the captain and demand to know what he was thinking despite his apologetic gaze.

Eames laid one hand on Bobby's waist, trying to anchor him, but still keeping a space between them and took the envelope from Ross.

"I…I appreciate you coming, sir," Bobby said.

Ross nodded. "I'm giving you four weeks…I hope you take all of it. And don't hesitate to ask if you need more."

Bobby nodded and Ross left them to roam the room.

Logan extended his hand to Bobby and playfully pinched Madison's ankle, to which she let out a small giggle.

"Take care of you're old man, munchkin," Logan said and then walked off to join the captain.

"What's he mean 'old man?'" Madison asked.

"Nothing…it's just an expression…" Bobby said and then kissed her forehead.

He felt Eames lean against him again and then looked down at her.

"They will be starting soon…we should probably take our seats," she said.

Bobby nodded and let out a long breath. "I know."

He placed a hand on the small of her back, nudging her to lead the way, and he followed her down the isle to the front pew.


	4. Home

**A/N: Grown ups will be grown ups in this chapter…I tried to pry them apart but it was futile…**

Part Four: Home

The service was simple and kind, but Bobby couldn't help but find the situation somewhat ridiculous. All the stress and anticipation of yesterday and everyday before that were boiled down to a stranger summing up his mother's life in forty minutes, with a few verses and prayers thrown in for good measure.

Of course, he didn't focus much on the words, but the warmth of his daughter resting against his chest and his wife's hand tightly tied to his.

Once the service was over he was ready to sneak out, wanting to bypass all the uncertain smiles and condolences, but politely shook hands with the priest and the other guests as they filtered out.

They slowly and quietly made their way back to the hotel and gathered their things before checking out.

Bobby drove back to the city separately, taking the time to process the morning and desperately needing space, which Eames seemed to understand or at least didn't argue when he urged Madison to ride with her.

As he pulled to a stop behind Eames' car in front of their building, he glanced down at the manila envelope in the passenger seat unsure of what to do with it. Eames was fully ready to toss it in the trash before they left the hotel, but Bobby wouldn't let her.

He felt like he needed to know what was in it, though he knew he would never be able to get Eames to understand.

A part of him knew he wouldn't find all the answers he was looking for in Brady's ramblings, but he felt like he had to know where he came from; what he came from.

He looked up and saw Eames watching him. She stood on the sidewalk beginning to lead Madison inside. Even from the distance he could see the worry written on her face and felt the pull for him to join them.

He glanced back down at the envelope, but left it behind when he unfolded himself from the car and quickly caught up with them just before reaching the door.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Bobby closed the book and placed it on Madison's night stand. She was dead to the world, curled against him and made soft noises as the air from her nose hit his T-shirt.

He ran a hand over her hair and contemplated how to get up without waking her. It felt nice to do something so regular that a part of him just wanted to stay and watch her sleep.

He slid out of the bed and onto the floor. He sat up on his knees and pulled the covers around her, placing a soft kiss on her forehead. He turned off the light and closed the door before heading out to the living room.

He found Eames curled on one end of the sofa half watching some random cop show. He sat down beside her and stretched his arms out along the back of the sofa.

"Hey," she said, briefly glancing at him.

She had made a point to give him space since they had gotten home that afternoon, trusting that if and when he was ready to talk to her he would.

"Hey," he said and watched the side of her face.

The fingers of his left hand found the back of her head and gently massaged her scalp.

She leaned into the feeling and looked over at him.

"She asleep?" Eames asked.

He nodded. "Took about five stories before she passed out."

Eames smiled. "Yeah…I never do it right…she's excited to have the expert at it again."

She felt him tense and the movement of his fingers stopped.

"Hey," she said and leaned closer to him. "That wasn't meant to be a sting."

"I-I know…doesn't mean I can't feel bad about it."

"You don't have to…she understands…probably more than she should."

Bobby nodded and brushed Eames' bangs out of her face. He let out a long sigh and pulled her closer. He shifted until he was stretched out on the sofa and she was half lying on his chest and half in the narrow space between him and the back of the sofa.

"You okay?" she asked.

"I'm tired…I'm so tired of…so many things," he said.

"I know you are."

"God, it's been a shitty year, hasn't it?"

She weakly laughed. "It's only May, we got a lot more year left to go."

"You know what I mean," he said and hugged her closer.

Eames looked down at her hand resting on his abdomen and softly nodded.

"It's been pretty down hill since Deakins left," she said.

"And…and then August," he said and then felt her slightly flinch. "I'm sorry."

She shook her head. "No…we haven't talked about it since…since I found out about your mom. It was a pretty convenient excuse to stop thinking about it…"

"But you didn't…and I should have—"

"You couldn't take on both of us…and she needed you more than I did," Eames said. "I handled it—"

"You shouldn't have had to—"

"You act like you brought me home and then abandoned me. That first month you barely left me alone…you drove me crazy."

He softly smiled, while his hand covered hers where it rested on his stomach.

"I-I did it as much for me as I did it for you. I…I needed to know you…were really there…alive," he said. "Declan…he-he kept telling me…y-you had to be dead…that I just needed to accept it."

"You never told me that," she said as she looked up at him and hoped that all the color hadn't just drained from her face.

"It didn't matter…you got yourself out…he was wrong," Bobby said. "I've never felt like that…I…I was falling apart…Madison's the only reason I didn't completely lose it."

Eames twined her fingers with his and nuzzled her nose into the fabric of his white T-shirt.

"I…I'm sorry we haven't done this more…" Bobby said.

"I know."

Eames stretched up and smoothed her palm along his cheek, before placing a light kiss on his nose.

"I've missed you," he said, brushing her bangs out of her eyes.

"I've been right here," she tried to teased, but then sighed at the seriousness in his eyes. "I've missed you too."

His hands glided along her cheeks and slipped into her hair, pulling her lips down to his for a soft kiss. For a moment they just watched each other, both seeking permission, but then Eames deepened the kiss and shifted her weight on to him. His hand traveled down to the glimpse of skin between the rim of her pajama bottoms and the hem of her tank top, while her kisses trailed down his neck.

Each touch set off a spark that begged for more contact and caused hands and lips to travel further. Hands slipped beneath soft cotton to skim flesh and soft hair, while arms and legs became more and more intertwined.

He pulled her lips back up to his and mumbled her name.

She nodded. "Bed…now."

They stumbled back to the bedroom, not willing to lose contact and fell on to the bed. In a brief moment of clarity Bobby left her to close and lock the door.

When he returned they desperately disposed of each other's clothes, haphazardly tossing garments across the room, but something about their skin connecting to the other's calmed and slowed them, as if for the first time in months both actually felt real to the other.

His lips made the meandering journey along her torso until his mouth latched onto her inner thigh, knowing it would make her squirm because of how it was so close and so far at the same time. She twisted and let out a husky laugh at the realization he was purposefully leaving a mark.

Her fingers snaked through his hair and gently tugged. He understood what she was asking and began to retrace the steps he took to get to her thigh, pausing at her breasts to tease the soft flesh with his mouth and hands.

Finally he was back where she wanted him and she impatiently took his bottom lip between her own, as her hand wormed its way between their bodies. When her hand hit its mark, she watched his eyes slip close and smiled at the soft groan that filter passed his lips.

One of his hands joined hers and Eames arched her hips against his, winding her legs around his waist, as he pressed slowly, but fully inside her.

It had been so long since they just enjoyed each other, without it being an attempt to salve the other's wounds or to appease their own frustrations. This felt familiar, but also new, as if renewing all the promises they had made to one another since Madison's birth.

Bobby could feel her legs tremble as her body began to keen to the pressure bubbling inside her and with a couple more strong strokes they both fell.

He supported himself on shaky arms and stared down at the haze in her eyes and the flush in her cheeks. Neither was particularly ready to lose the warmth the other's body offered, but Bobby new if he didn't move that his arms would eventually give, so he carefully slipped from her body and rolled onto his back.

She reached for the covers and pulled the blanket around them as she nestled herself into his side, draping an arm across his ribs. He held her close as their breathing continued to slow with one hand clutched to her bicep and the other threading through her hair.

Her eyes were just beginning to slip close when he said, "I love you."

She smiled and lightly kissed his chest. "I know. I—"

"You know…that y-you and Mad...you're it for me."

She stretched her neck to look up at him, unsure of where this was coming from or where it was going.

"It's just…I don't know if I'm going to get any easier to live with anytime soon…"

"Well that's part of your charm," she teased.

He smiled and brushed his fingertips along her brow until they slid against her cheek. It was one of her favorite gestures because of the subtle admiration that it conveyed.

"If I didn't feel up to the work then I wouldn't be here," she said.

"But is it supposed to be work?"

"Nothing's free, Bobby," Eames said. "There's still a lot we have to deal with, I know—"

"But…we'll figure it out."

Eames nodded and rested her head back down on his shoulder with a small smile creeping across her face. She turned into his skin so he could feel it and they both stayed quiet, dosing in and out of sleep.

Eventually they slipped back into their pajamas and unlocked the door, knowing the probability of Madison waking up before them was pretty high, but they curled back around each other and fell asleep.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Madison cracked the door and peered her little head in. She could see her dad's back, his body hiding her mother's, and then tip-toed around to her mom's side of the bed so she could see their faces.

Bobby stirred and lifted his head to sleepily look down at his daughter.

"Baby?" Bobby whispered. "You okay?"

"I had a dream," she said.

He nodded and gestured for her to climb up. She crawled over Eames' legs, while Bobby rolled onto his back, both careful not to wake Eames, who only buried her nose further into her pillow.

Madison made her way to Bobby's opposite side and laid her head down on his shoulder as he loosely hugged her.

"Was it a bad dream?" he asked and then kissed her forehead.

"No…just a dream," she said, snuggling closer to him.

"Then why couldn't you go back to sleep?"

She shrugged and stared down at his T-shirt.

"Where is grandma now?" she finally asked.

He considered the question, but really had no idea how to answer it, and felt the sadness that had been seated on his chest all year begin to stir.

"Was…was grandma in your dream?"

She nodded. "We were in her room…I was on her lap, but you and momma weren't with us."

Bobby smoothed her hair out of her face. "Wh-what did you do in your dream?"

"Just talked."

"About what?"

Madison sighed and then said, "She said she was sorry that she had to go away…that she loved us…"

Bobby rubbed his eyes with his free hand and hugged her tighter with the other. There were very few times Bobby could recall his mother saying that she loved him. Intellectually he knew that she did, but that she was just incapable of expressing it. Still there was a part of him that was very much like a little boy that just wanted to be cradled and told the words.

"Daddy? Are you okay?"

He looked down at her and nodded, then felt Eames roll over.

She rested her head on Bobby's shoulder and reached her fingers across his chest to stroke Madison's cheek.

Madison's eyes slipped close between the feel of her mother's fingers and her father's on her scalp.

"Try to go back to sleep, baby," Eames whispered and then continue to softly murmur soothing words to lull Madison to sleep, though Bobby knew she was half talking to him.

Eames laid her hand down on Bobby's chest and he lowered his arm to wrap around her shoulders. She didn't say anything else, but just closed her eyes and quickly dosed back off.

Bobby glanced to the left at the woman he loved, the only person he could recall ever truly needing, who hadn't let him down, and then to the right at the girl they had created and nurtured. Together they shielded him from all the pain and hurtful memories that weaved in and out of his life, while feeling perfectly safe and at home buried against his sides.

**A/N: So that's it for this installment. I am working on an Amends post-ep/re-working for this series and I have a few other case file ideas. I also am thinking now about incorporating Untethered, though I'm not sure that a Goren with a family would be as on edge as the current Goren is, so I don't know how believable it would be in my verse for that to happen, but I would like to use Donny at some point. Any input on the subject is welcome. **

**A/N2: Below is the song that inspired the titles of this story and If You Court this Disaster. Thanks to everyone who has been reading! I look forward to and appreciate all the feedback.**

**Call and Answer **

**by Bare Naked Ladies.****  
**

I think it's getting to the point

where I can be myself again  
I think it's getting to the point  
where we have almost made amends  
I think it's the getting to the point  
that is the hardest part

and if you call, I will answer  
and if you fall, I'll pick you up  
and if you court this disaster  
I'll point you home

You think I only think about you  
when we're both in the same room  
You think I'm only here to witness  
the remains of love exhumed  
You think we're here to play  
a game of who loves more than whom

and if you call, I will answer  
and if you fall, I'll pick you up  
and if you court this disaster  
I'll point you home

You think it's only fair to do what's  
best for you and you alone  
You think it's only fair to do the same to me when you're not home  
I think it's time to make this something that is  
more than only fair

so if you call, I will answer  
and if you fall, I'll pick you up  
and if you court this disaster  
I'll point you home

But I'm warning you, don't ever do  
those crazy, messed-up things that you do  
If you ever do,  
I promise you I'll be the first to crucify you  
Now it's time to prove that you've come back  
here to rebuild  
Rebuild...


End file.
